LOUISE HARDER, DIRECTOR & STRATEGIST, THE ARMY OF SURVIVORS
Self-care (n): Any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health (PsychCentral)
This means I actively engage in an activity that is solely for myself and my needs; this does NOT include checking email, multitasking, working on that one task I forgot about this morning, running errands, or making dinner for my boyfriend (though if you can convince your boyfriend to make you dinner, I say count that as self-care!).
Self-care is critical after experiencing trauma. Want to know how I know this? I may have some experiential data on this. I know exactly what doesn’t work by lived experience.
After my sexual abuse, I avoided self-care at all costs. See, the abuse replaced feelings of self-confidence and belonging with shame and embarrassment. I found it difficult to comprehend the need to replenish my own needs when I didn’t see myself as worth replenishing. I filled my time with so many tasks, that I wouldn’t have to think about the trauma. And it worked… temporarily. Then it did not. This brought me down a dark hole in my life.
You want to know how I found myself out of this dark hole? I allowed myself to get a haircut. Yup, that is right: I scheduled a hair appointment for a basic cut. I had convinced myself for over a year that the $30 it cost for a haircut would better be spent elsewhere. I was wrong.
Since that haircut, I have learned a few things:
- If you go a year or longer without any self-care, including a haircut, plan on chopping everything off. You will likely have to start all over.
- Self-care needs to be done on a regular basis. The exact amount of time will depend on your specific needs, but according to my therapist, everyone needs a little self-care at least daily.
- Also according to my therapist, petting the dog doesn’t count if you are simultaneously sending out work email. It does count, however, if you are petting the dog while reading a book for pleasure…
- Self-care does not need to be expensive or time consuming. Self-care could be as simple as using your favorite scented body wash in your daily shower routine.
- If you struggle with incorporating self-care into the daily routine, like I do, get out your Google Calendar (or whichever platform you use) and schedule it in.
- If you aren’t sure where to begin, see the list of self-care activities below and pick your favorite seven to try this week. Soon you will be a pro and can create your own list with what works for you.
Self-care may not be simple right now, but I promise it gets easier with practice.
List of Self-care Activities:
- Watch a funny YouTube video.
- Get a mani/pedi.
- Knit/crochet.
- Try acupuncture. Read up on it if you’ve never tried it.
- Get a book from the library (free) or bookstore about some topic you’ve been interested in
- Use a planner or a calendar to intentionally schedule “me time.”
- Listen to music that inspires and motivates you.
- Write a list of things you’re grateful to have in your life and post it somewhere you can see it often. We have a tendency to focus on the negative, so remind yourself of the good stuff.
- Go through your closet and purge the clothes you haven’t worn in years. Donate them to a charitable organization.
- Engage in some type of exercise. This could include walking, biking, hiking, running, swimming, a fitness class, yoga, and/or strength training.
- Share a kind smile with strangers on your way to and from work. Some people may go all day without anyone acknowledging their existence.
- Start a cycle of encouragement. Tell someone near you what you appreciate about them. They may return the favor when you need it most.
- Buy yourself a fancy coffee instead of making your own
- Call someone you care about to talk
- For fun, dress your pet in a silly costume and take them on tour to make others smile.
- Learn a new hobby, such as sewing.
- Learn a breathing exercise and practice it for a few minutes each day.
- Intentionally reestablish contact with someone you’ve lost touch with and would like to reconnect.
- Try out a form of martial arts.
- Take a moment at the end of each day and consciously list a few good things in your life. This can help refocus your emotions on all the positive things that happen each day, even when it doesn’t seem like it.
- Turn off your phone and step away from the computer.
- Work on a puzzle or play a board game.
- Go out with friends.
- Start/write in a journal how you are feeling and what is going on in your life.
- Engage your creative mind with a form of art. This could also include coloring in an adult coloring book.
- Take a long shower, dry your hair, and put on clothes that make you feel good.
- Meditate.
- Watch the sunrise or sunset.
- Ask someone for help.
- Attend therapy: individual or group.
